Saturday 16 August 2014

A fortnightly update.

The last few weeks have not been too dramatic. Just the usual of carrying on work and building relationships.

Agnes' sisters have come to stay for the holidays. Mercy and Linda are around 17 and 15 years old (Agnes is not sure, because they were born in the village, and a lot of times this means people don't know their own birth date, even the year .. Agnes has just made up one for them)
Agnes is the main carer for her sisters, who are actually her half sisters, sharing the same mother.
The father to Mercy and Linda is not really on the scene, and gives no support. So it has been Agnes who has played the parental role over the years, helping put them through school, feed them and shelter them.

We actually thought they were coming on the 8th, but around about the 3rd of this month, Agnes got a call from the school saying her sisters where the last ones left, everyone else had left for the holidays, and they were wondering what was happening. Amusingly, Agnes had forgot to pick her own sisters up (the girls go to boarding school, and on the holidays are sent back to their homes)
Agnes sent a boda boda to pick them up, and they arrived for the first time at our house. They had never seen where we live before.
As Agnes was not around I got to show them the house. The look on their faces was priceless, as I showed them their very own bedroom with bunk beds.
When I showed them the living room, and told them they can help themselves to any food, cold water, and that we had a TV subscribed to many channels, they burst out in giggles and excitement.
All their lives they have never stayed in such a place and they come from a very poor village.
So I must say they seem to be enjoying all the meals (especially getting regular meat) ... although they cost a bit to feed. Now I know what it must of been like for my parents, trying to keep up with feeding us hungry children.
They are great value though, and although very quiet they are very helpful and do all the cleaning for us!
It has been funny for them, seeing the way Agnes and I interact and live together. One of the first mornings I cooked them breakfast (pancakes) and another time Agnes asked her sisters to get her the sugar, seeing as I was closer to the cupboard, I got the sugar for her and brought it over.
These two incidents were shocking for the sisters. They were so used to their culture in the village, in which a man would never cook for the younger women in the house, let alone go out of his way to pass the sugar for someone ... that is the wife and children's job.
So I guess they will get a learning experience of another 'culture' and a different way of doing things.

The Tailoring cooperation is running well. The girls have now set up their shop, and are in the process of creating some school uniforms for samples to take to schools. We aim to get some school tenders that will be able to provide them with work.
The girls really have shown a lot of initiative and hard work, they are certainly committed and have impressed us a number of times.
The other week some machines had broken down, so they put their money together and payed for someone to fix them, and teach them how to maintain the machines. This is something we would of helped them with, but the fact they took the initiative and payed for it from their own pocket money (which is a lot for them) shows they are really taking ownership over it.


The tailoring class is also running well, the girls seem to enjoy spending time at the YSU base.
Just like the previous girls, many of them come early or stay late. Sometimes they come hang out here on days they are not learning. I often wonder if their home life is not good and they are using this as a bit of a safe place to be.
A few of the girls were really sick with malaria the other day, and their children were also sick. Farouk went to visit one of them, and both her children were shivering and shaking on the floor of the little hut they stay in. One of them was vomiting constantly. All the mother had for medicine was salt and sugar mixed with water. Of course in cases like this, handing out money is important, the death of a child would be the result if not. Of course Farouk always takes them to the hospital and pays directly, just to make sure things are spent accordingly.
One morning we actually awoke to find one of the tailoring girls weeding our garden. She had completely tidied up the front garden and made it look very neat. When asked why she was doing it, or if someone had asked her to do it, she simply said she wanted to do it for us.
This same girl recently came to us saying she was starving at her home and had no food. We figured that since she did such a good job on one side of the garden, we would pay her to do the rest. Of course we gave her some small food to get her family by for now, but at least we could give her some paid work, so she can feel like she has earned the money and not begged for it. Many young women here want to work, it empowers them, they would much prefer work then needing to beg.
It is a simple way to be able to help her with relief to the situation she is in, while we focus on the development side of things, and long term help for her through the tailoring class.

We are planning to get an empower course running next month with our old tailoring girls. We really think they would benefit. We were looking at translating the material into Luganda, but we realized that may be less helpful then keeping it in English.
Many educated people here who can read English fluently, struggle to read their own language. This is because Luganda was never taught in written form. When people were educated, they were educated in English .. leaving a culture that may be fluent in their mother tongue, but can not read or write in it (while being able to write in English)
Another problem is that many times, most people don't speak a pure Luganda, seeing as Uganda is home to over 100 dialects. It can often all get mashed together into its own form, depending from what area of Uganda you come from. One persons Luganda may sound very different to someone else from a different part of Uganda.
The result will be keeping the English manuel. Agnes usually teaches by reading from an English text book, and then translating it on the spot into the 'common persons' language (this is actually much easier and faster for her, then trying to read from a Luganda text book)
This is the way we see us doing the Empower course.

Recently I had the privilege of traveling with Farouk to Beatrices home village for his very first time. This may sound a bit strange if you are not aware of the culture. But many people who have families together, and see themselves as married (as well as call themselves married), have actually never had a wedding, or even met the woman's family.
This is due to the culture of introductions and dowry's. Usually the man has to comes up with a bride price, and presents gifts to the woman's family.
This may of worked well long ago, when community's were strong and there was lots of support. But now its ridiculous because most people live in poverty and can not afford such an introduction and a wedding. Greed has also changed the culture where now families of the women (usually the uncles and the aunts) place absurd, unrealistic, expectations on the man to pay.
As a man is seen as shameful if he meets the family without offering any gifts, or not being able to offer money for an introduction, many people live together and even start families without ever having a wedding, or meeting the in laws.
It is actually a very oppressive part of the culture that leaves many young, poor couples frustrated that they can not do what they believe is the right thing before God, too get married before living together and starting a family. All because of the ridiculous expectations put on them.
It frustrates me so much, because many of the families are 'so called' Christians, but they seem to have no care that the standards they are putting on weddings results in many poor young frustrated couples living together and never being able to afford a wedding in their lifetime. Instead of blessing a God honoring marriage, they prefer to let greed over take them and try to drain the man of as much money as they can (and as a result, drain money from their own daughter, who relies on her husbands money to survive ... not the families)

As a result Farouk has never met Beatrice's family, or ever had a wedding (Most people feel like they are not allowed to get married in a church until they get the families blessing ... which usually means a high price is paid)
Farouk has been saving up a bit of money, as well as receiving some contributions, so he can finally have a wedding and bring some small gifts to meet Beatrice's family.
He has been so excited about this over the last year, with the birth of Meshach, he has really felt it on his heart to put an official ceremony to his marriage.  As scary as it is for him, due to him not having a huge amount of money, he has taken the step and courage to go meet her family regardless.
This may not seem significant, but you have to realize the shame that is placed on a man here who cannot live up to the dowry expectations is very big. This causes many men to avoid ever seeing their in laws.
I was very proud of Farouk and encouraged him. He also asked me to come along, cause usually the man brings two or three friends with him on the first visitation.
The parents of Beatrice had also said they were not putting any expectations on Farouk, but just really wanted to see him.
Farouk was very nervous about it all (understandably) but he had decided to go ahead and do it, despite the fact that he doesn't have much money.

So with a car full of gifts (soap, sugar, salt etc) we set off for a 3 hour drive last Friday.
It was a very interesting affair, as every thing is so formal and set to a specific way, and culture of doing it. We sat in a small room by ourselves for a while, then we ate snacks. After that we met all the family as they came in and introduced themselves. This was then followed by a meal. Then it came down to business, where all the men of the family sit down with Farouk and his posse, and discuss business.
Farouk actually isn't meant to speak during all of this, but has a friend speak on his behalf.
Unfortunately it didn't go too well. It seems that Beatrice's parents are very easy going, and really just wanted to meet Farouk. But, as happens here so many times, the uncles got involved. These uncles placed some ridiculous expectations on Farouk, and were basically trying to go after as much money as they could.
I won't go into details to respect Beatrice's family, but Farouk and Beatrice were a bit upset at the outcome. We went away that day with things unresolved, a high expectation on Farouk, and a bit of confusion at what we had actually come there for.
These things really upset me, and let me just say I get so frustrated when people start quoting bible verses to back up their greed. I am sure a few of the uncles could tell I wasn't impressed by my facial expressions (especially when they tried to convince us that they don't see their daughters as property to make money). At one point, Farouk even spoke out and explained his situation. That how do they expect him to take care of their daughter and their grandchild, if he is drained of money (I say their daughter, and their grandchild, because in the culture here a niece is seen as everyone's daughter, as a grandchild is seen as everyone's grandchild)

It seems there may be a way around it. Farouk and Beatrice are going to refuse to pay what they are expecting, and instead consult privately with the parents (when the uncles are not around) to ask them for a blessing so they can go ahead and have a small wedding.
Farouk and Beatrice really don't want to spend so much money on an introduction and a wedding, but just to do something small and intimate.
Please pray for them, as they go through this hard time. The good thing is Beatrice's parents seem very understanding and simply want the best for their daughter.

We have encouraged them to go ahead with a small wedding, as it is something God has placed on their hearts and that they would really love to do.
Even though the day was a bit of a struggle, it was great that Farouk had the courage to go ahead and face the whole family, you don't realize how scary it can be for someone here. It was also good that the ice was broken, and he has now officially taken one step closer to having an official wedding.




Changing the subject to one of my interesting, but gross story's. The other day I sat down to eat my breakfast. I opened up the new pack of weetabix I had got from the supermarket the other day, and I made myself some weetabix with milk.
I remember eating my breakfast and telling Agnes that the food tasted a bit funny, but I didn't think anything of it after that.
That night, after dinner, I was getting some water from the fridge, and I noticed a bunch of little squirming things on top of the fridge. We had a closer look and found about 50 little maggots crawling around.
We were a bit shocked wondering where they came from .... well we found out.
I keep the weetabix packet on top of the fridge, so we checked it and opened it up to have a good look inside, only to find a host of insects and maggots burrowed all throughout the weetabix.
It seems we had bought a very old packet from the super market that had grown maggots in it.
I basically had a belly full of maggots for breakfast.
We had just finished dinner, and as usual I had stuffed myself full ... so it was a bad time to find out I had eaten maggots, as I started to feel a bit nausea's.
From now on I will not buy anything from that specific supermarket ... all due by dates will be checked, and I might start avoiding weetabix.

Lastly, Agnes and I had a lovely dinner with Ron, Anne, Dan and Kara. It was beautiful to be able to share a big meal with them in our downstairs main room, and a great night of fellowship together!

God bless

Saturday 2 August 2014

Letting go of anger, Empower training and reaching out to neighbors.

It has been a very busy and eventful week! With the running around of visas, running YSU activities and going through the empower program.

Agnes and I had a very disappointing day last week when we went for my visa.
We were planning on going for a dependent visa for me, considering I am legally married to Agnes who is a Ugandan citizen. This is the visa that I was recommended to go for by people at immigration.

The immigration man at Jinja is very helpful and friendly, and he wanted to meet us in Kampala to help us at the ministry of internal affairs, to make sure things would go smoothly for us. He told us he would be in Kampala early Friday morning, and told us to meet him there.
So at six in the morning Agnes and I were off for a three hour bus ride to Kampala to try and go for my visa.
The disappointment and worry started when we got to the ministry of internal affairs at the arranged time, and called the immigration officer from Jinja, only to have him tell us that he was still in Jinja and would not be coming to Kampala that day.

He told us to try and go for the visa, and that he had called his friend to help us. So we took a deep breath and went into the office. His friend was really of no use, and basically just pointed us to immigration officers who were in charge of going through the applications.
As soon as we approached these two women, I knew it was not going to be good. It was clear they had made a judgement on us before we even opened our mouths.
We were told very harshly to come into the office and show my passport.
What followed suit was basically this one immigration officer asserting her power and making Agnes and I to feel very low.
As soon as we sat down and explained we were going for the dependent visa, she sternly looked at us and said "why?". We explained that to get a residence visa in Australia takes a long time, and as Agnes and I are legally married we wanted to live together in the same country, and were applying for the dependents visa here in Uganda.
She instantly asked why Agnes had never been to Australia. We tried to explain to her that we were in the process of applying for a tourist visa, but a residence visa takes some time.
At this, she jumped on her chance to bully us. She started telling Agnes "why should I let your husband into our country, if his country has not allowed you".
She would give no opportunity for us to talk, and just kept repeating that question. In my mind I was thinking "Because Uganda is not Australia, it is its own nation with its own immigration laws, why worry about Australia".
This was all irrelevant as well. I personally know of a Ugandan man here who is married to a Canadian woman. Even though they have been married for some time, and even have a child together, he has still up to this day been refused entry into Canada. Yet they got the dependent visa from this very woman we were speaking with, in this very office.
So she was just making up rules that were not even true, because she had decided from the start that she didn't like us.
She barely looked through our file, which we had made sure contained every legal document that was required for the dependents visa, plus more.
She flicked to our marriage certificate and then told us that it is not a valid marriage certificate, because it was not done in Australia.
I tried to explain to her that it was a civil marriage, performed here in Uganda, that is recognized under international law as a binding legal marriage.
Again she wouldn't listen to me and just kept saying its not relevant. This again was hurting because I know of a few people who have got this dependents visa, and have had the same civil marriage here in Uganda, that provides the same marriage certificate. Again she was clearly just trying to make things up because she didn't like us.
The worst part was that she started accusing me of having another wife in Australia, and was telling Agnes that I was having many women in Australia that I am hiding from her.
I also tried to explain to her that to get a legal, civil, marriage in Uganda, I had to supply a document from the Australian government saying I am not married. Of course she shut me down and would not listen to me, the law didn't matter to her, she just wanted to make up what she felt like.
The office we were in had about six other people in there, all listening to our conversation (which our immigration lady was clearly aware of, and playing into) all of the people were laughing as this woman mocked and accused us, saying hurtful things to Agnes like "we are just trying to protect you from this man, my daughter".
In the end I just picked up my passport and file and walked out, there was no point. Agnes was almost in tears, we had traveled three hours (plus three hours back home) just to be mocked and rejected for no legal reason.
We had all the legal documents required. It can be so difficult when you live in such a corrupt country, and it doesn't matter if you try and do everything by the law, if a government official decides they don't like you, you are treated like dirt"

We traveled back home to Jinja, and met up with our friendly immigration officer there. He was very apologetic that he was not able to be there to help us, as he had been called out to an emergency immigration issue early that morning. He also acknowledged there was no reason for this woman to treat us in such a way, and that our file was perfectly fine. He made it clear they are difficult people.
So now I may have to wait another year or so before I can try and go for the dependent visa again, perhaps having proof that Agnes has been to Australia may help. It is difficult because I really do not know if I can get a long term visa, even if I have everything that the law requires.
The man said he would try and help us, and see what he could do. Otherwise, he said he had no problem extending my tourist visa when ever I need it.
When I come into the country I can get a three month visa, and then I am legally able to extend it for another three months, two times.
I may just have to work around this, going in and out of the country when needed. It is a bit risky doing it this way, as it raises a lot of questions. But I have no other option, even though I am legally married to a Ugandan.

Of course the frustration and anger can get a hold of you. I found myself very angry at this woman who treated us like this. Agnes usually reacts by withdrawing and being hurt, while I tend to react with anger and a willingness to fight. Either way, we both knew we had to forgive this woman, or we would carry her around in our heart all day.
As hurtful as she was, Agnes and I prayed for her and asked that God would bless her. By holding onto her in our minds and heart, we would only be holding onto anger that would make the day worse.
Forgiving someone is much harder then it sounds. You can say you forgive them, but a while later you find yourself thinking about clever words you could of said to get them back. Again needing to forgive takes place, and it is a continuous battle.
I am so amazed at the stories of forgiveness I have heard in Rwanda, where people have forgave the very men that killed their families.
I was struggling to forgive a nasty government officer, yet some people have forgiven in an incredible way.

Forgiveness, just as general advice for the well being of a person, doesn't quite cut it for me though if there is no ultimate driving force behind it that is beyond ourselves. Of course it is true, forgiving clearly heals ones soul, but the source of the forgiveness needs to come from a deeper place for me.
This is where my faith comes in. I believe I am forgiven by God, and it gives me the power to love and let go of those who hurt me. It is a deep spring of hope, grace and love that nourishes me. Without it, I think I would carry around lots of bitterness in my heart. I believe being forgiven by God first, is the most empowering thing to be able to forgive others second.

We were also so blessed this week to attend the "Empower" trauma rehabilitation program. This was developed for people suffering with trauma, and is especially used in African countries that have suffered from war.
It has been particularly used well in Rwanda, where genocide survivors and perpetrators have found reconciliation.
Agnes, Farouk and myself all participated in the course, as well as a bunch of other close friends in the HopeBuilders community.
Dennis from Rwanda, with the help of Gash, ran through the program for all of us, and it was clear that the program is a beautiful ministry tool for helping people with traumatic experiences.
The program focuses on the mind, body and spirit and has a number of different activities involved. The program looks at stress reducing techniques, how to get control over your body, how to release and share traumatic experiences, and explores the topic of forgiveness and healing.
This is a powerful program that is seeing lives changed. Many people who have gone through the program find themselves coming to faith in Jesus.
I know many people in the course found they had things in their life that they had never dealt with, and were causing them problems up to this day.
Farouk was especially moved by it, stating that he was able to forgive many people who had hurt him, and that he felt a great weight lifted off his heart this morning.
In the removing of unforgiveness, he explained that he now feels like he has room for a whole new love for the people around him.













We are currently talking about translating the program to Luganda, as we would love to use this program for our tailoring girls who don't speak much English. The program can be appropriate for any kind of trauma, and seeing as many of our girls are single mothers, and have suffered abuse, the program would be very appropriate for them.

We have also been attending Jinja Christian School on Friday nights, where Ron and Anne are running a short course on hearing Gods voice. It has also been awesome to catch up with an old friend from Highschool. Daniel Dean and his wife Kara are currently traveling around the world, spending time volunteering at different ministries in different countries. They are both awesome people and it has been good to catch up, and for Agnes and I to get to know them more.

Lastly, Agnes and I have both really felt the conviction to try and reach out to our neighbors here. Currently the house we live in has a back quarters part to it, where a family has been living for a long time. The family are Muslim, and also very poor. We actually have a bit of a tense relationship with them. For some reason, rather through misunderstanding, or something we don't know, they really seem to dislike us.
There has been a few occasions where they have been gossiping about us and saying bad things. And every time we try and greet them, we get very cold responses.
We have asked them a few times about their children throwing rubbish all over our garden, and if this can be stopped. When we have done so, we have tried to do it in the most loving way we can. The kids usually use the rubbish as toys, and so I went to town one day and bought them a bunch of soft animal toys to play with instead,
Little occasions like this have seem to have been taken wrong, and it feels like it has built up some kind of dislike and coldness towards us.

Agnes and I really felt like we should be reaching out to this family more. Often we don't talk to them much, or even think about them really (unless we are complaining about their behavior) We are always focusing a lot on people in the community, but here we have our neighbors, who are very poor, a Muslim family, and have a strong dislike towards us.
What more of a situation would you need to be able to show grace and love to someone, and represent Jesus well. Are we not called to "love our neighbors as we love ourselves" and to go out and share the good news of the Gospel. Well here is a clear opportunity to do that, and it is right under our noise.
Sometimes we can be so busy and focused on our ministries we are working away at, that we can overlook and ignore the immediate needs of our neighbors, right there beside us.
And I am sure this can be the case in Australia as well. Those of us in the church, are we so focused on our church activities that we are forgetting to reach out to those that God has placed right near us?
So we are going to think about ways we can bless this family this month.

This is also a good reminder on what we can do to try and bring some light into this world. Often it can seem so crazy out there in the world. With the Gaza strip being bombed, Christians being exiled in Iraq or crucified in Syria, countless of refugees in the middle east, starving people in south Sudan, a changing culture towards Christians volunteering and helping in state schools in Australia, extremist Islamic groups all over Africa killing and kidnapping, as a follower of Jesus, it makes you think what your role in all of this is.
Yes, we should be concerned about the big issues, and where we can help and raise awareness and support, we must do so. But we should not forget to try and bring light and love to the situations we find ourselves in with our day to day lives. It may seem irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, but the consistency of bringing hope to those around us, will be valued and will make a dent in the end.

Again I would love to thank everyone who has been supporting Agnes and I financially. Often our money is tight by the end of the month, and we can worry about what we are going to do with all the requests and needs, as well as the things we need to provide for ourselves. But your financial support has really helped us and we thank you so much.
Thank you for everyone who has kept us in their prayers. We also ask that you continue to do so, as this visa situation really has been a hard experience on us, leaving us feeling a bit dejected at times.

God bless